


it used to be so hard to see (yeah, loving is easy)

by lunaticlua



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Found Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaticlua/pseuds/lunaticlua
Summary: Madi Griffin has three honorary dads and, after an unexpected turn of events, she gains one more.orClarke balanced having a baby while studying to become a lawyer with the help of her three best friends, Wells, Murphy and Miller. In the eleven years of Madi’s life, she jeopardized all the possibilities of a love until she meets Bellamy, the thoughtful and handsome history middle school teacher.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & John Murphy, Clarke Griffin & Nathan Miller, Clarke Griffin & Wells Jaha, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i've had this idea some months ago and, since then, i've been using this quaratine as a way to write it. i have the story all planned out by now. this is not my first time attempting to write a long fic, but i hope this will be the first that i will actually finish it. in the meantime, have fun reading it :)

**May 4th, 2012**

_Dear Mom,_

_You are my favorite mommy ever. I am sorry for calling you a bad mom. I love you._

_PS: John helped me write this!_

Clarke came across the pink little note in her pillow when she crawled into bed after her second all nighter of the week. Juggling a three years old, a part time job and the pursuit of a college degree is definitely not the life of your average twenty-one years old. The challenge, however, has its silver linings. Reading those three words from her daughter is one of those. Madi is Clarke’s personal sunshine and the reason she wakes up every single day.

Still, she can’t keep herself from tearing up as she falls asleep. Even though Madi doesn’t consider her a bad mom, she can’t help but think that she is. This thought only emerges when she is alone. Clarke knows that her best friends would disagree wholeheartedly and Madi would do anything to assure that she is, in fact, her “favorite mommy ever”. Yet, she feels like she is wronging her daughter. She is not giving her enough. Enough time, enough love, enough family.

Being a single mother was not in her original plans, let alone being a mother at eighteen. It happened and she dealt with it. But she did not expect to be pregnant in the summer before her first year at college and she surely did not expect that Finn would leave her as soon as he heard the news. The prospect of raising a child scared her. Fortunately, Clarke had the help of Murphy, Wells and Miller, her three life savers and the closest things Madi had to a father.

Clarke and Wells knew each other since maternity hospital. Their mothers got pregnant at the same time and their fathers were friends since high school. Their lives were inevitably intertwined. They were next door neighbours, they studied at the same schools throughout the years, they grew together.

Murphy entered Clarke’s story as a tornado. Her ten years old birthday brought an unpleasant surprise: Jake’s sudden death. The doctors stated that the heart failure was unpredictable. Yet the sorrow and grief caused by the loss lead her to Murphy. He had lost his parents in a car accident the year prior and moved to the small town in Connecticut to live with distant relatives. They shared comfort silences, headphones and pain. It did not take long for Wells to get along with Murphy as well, even though they fought like cats and dogs.

Their group was complete when Miller started working part-time at a diner they went every Friday. They bonded over french fries and milkshakes, even though he was a senior and the trio were freshmans. Nathan fitted perfectly in the family they created for themselves.

They were her chosen family and, with the news of her pregnancy, they become her only family.

Her relationship with her mother was rocky throughout the years, especially after Jake Griffin’s death. However, the pregnancy was the last straw. Even though Abby did not express it out loud, she wasn’t fond of the idea of her recently graduated daughter having a child and Clarke could not tolerate her mother’s veiled disapproval. She decided to keep the baby despite what her mother thought. Her three best friends swore, in the summer night she confided to them the decision, that they would follow her anywhere and help her with anything.

The promise took the four of them to New York with zero knowledge of how to take care of a baby, a rudimentary plan and the contact from someone Thelonious Jaha knew in the city that had an apartment to rent. Indra was a severe and wise woman who owned some buildings and apartments in the city. According to Wells’s father, she was a good landlord who charged a reasonable rental price. They ended up renting the apartment above her shop. Thelonious offered to give them an apartment, but they viewed it as over the top. He, eventually, convinced them to let him pay for the first six months of rent as a way to allow them to settle in the new city. Clarke was vocal about not accepting such generous help, but he persuaded her to understand it as a gift from a family friend who cared a lot about them. Murphy also assisted talking her into accepting it by reminding her that it was not the time to be proud. She needed to focus on what was best for Madi.

Their plan was straightforward and childlike; after all, they were simply immature young adults dealing with an over complicated situation. Clarke and Wells would start college in September at Columbia as planned and work half-period. Murphy would work full-time around town and Miller would start the process to become a police officer as he dreamed about his entire life. 

It did not always work as they planned, but they survived and built a home and a family for themselves and for Madi.

But none of these prevented Clarke from blaming herself for not giving enough to her daughter. The three men loved her as she was their own, but they weren’t her fathers. They were the funny uncle, the caring uncle and the protective uncle. Her biological father was a douchebag who took off and, even though she knew it was not her fault, Clarke felt guilty for not being able to give a loving dad to Madi.

*

**May 5th, 2012**

Clarke wakes up three hours later at eight o'clock with the sound of her alarm clock. The desire to stay in bed is enormous, but her wants are not important at the moment. She has a shift at the college library in two hours, but, before that, she has to finish a paper and to get Madi ready for the day. Normally, Wells would take care of her on Saturdays, but he has to cover for one of his coworkers who called in sick the day before, which means Madi would need to go with her mother to work today despite the girl’s wish to watch TV all day long.

After getting ready, she goes into Madi’s bedroom to wake her up and tell her to get dressed. Madi is at the age in which she decided that she was a “big girl”. This means that she wants to pick her own clothes and choose which cereal she would eat for breakfast. This also means Clarke has a hard time convincing Madi that she can’t wear her fairy costume and eat _Fruit Loops_ everyday. Clarke can recall all the arguments with her daughter about how the colorful cereal was not made of actual fruits and, therefore, she couldn’t count it as her daily fruit intake. It is a nonstop battle. Especially because Murphy indulges Madi by buying more _Fruit Loops_. He is spoiling her and, probably, cultivating cavities in the girl's mouth. Clarke needs to stop him.

“Madi, it is time to wake up!,” Clarke sings as she opens the blinds and lets the light enter the space. The walls are decorated with paintings Clarke made when she was pregnant ‒ forests, clouds, animals, flowers, stars and planets – and the floor is covered with toys that Madi used to play with Wells and Miller the night prior. Clarke decides to tell Madi to organize them as she finishes her paper. 

“Too early, mom,” the muffled complaint comes from underneath the bright blue blanket. 

“It’s not early,” she continues after checking her father’s silver wristwatch. “It’s ten past eight. Get up, because you have to organize your toys before we go to my work.” The order makes Madi sit straight in her bed.

“I have to organize it by myself? Unfair! Wells and Nate played too,” she protests.

“The toys are yours, but they won’t be anymore if, when we leave, they are not in their correct spots.” 

“Okay,” Madi says, rolling her eyes, and Clarke pretends that she didn’t see it. She is one hundred percent sure that it was Murphy who taught her this. Again, she makes a mental note to talk to him about teaching these habits to her girl. 

“Now, get dressed and meet me in the kitchen for breakfast.”

Minutes later, she had prepared coffee, set the table and made a toast for herself. As she was sitting down to eat, Madi arrives with a green sundress, mismatched socks, and her blue _Converse_ and sits beside her at the table. 

“Mom,” she calls in a low voice, staring at the empty bowl of cereal. Clarke examines her demeanor and quickly understands what was going on in her daughter’s mind.

“Yes?”

“Did you see my note?,” Madi looks up, searching Clarke’s face for forgiveness.

“I did. It is alright, darling. I know you didn’t mean it,” she smiles when she sees the girl’s face lit up with her words.

“John told me you would not be mad, but I’m really sorry, mommy.”

“It’s okay. Now, eat your cereal. You still have to clean up your room, remember?,” Madi nods and focuses on the food in front of her.

The thoughts of last night reappears in the woman’s mind. The conflict and the guilt weighs her heart, but she sends them away for now. She has way too many things to do and little time. The toast and coffee are rapidly consumed and she goes to her room to retrieve her notebook to finish her work. 

The last year of pre-law was devouring her being and she couldn’t wait to graduate. She knows, however, that it isn’t the end of deadlines and all nighters. Law school is another obstacle she will need to conquer and the prospect makes her even more anxious.

By the time the paper was sent and Madi’s bedroom was neat, they were almost late to work. At the subway, Clarke reminds Madi that she would need to stay quiet in the backroom of the library playing with her doll. The head librarian had only allowed the presence of the little girl with the promise of silence and order.

Working at the Lehman Social Sciences Library was nice ‒ for the lack of better wording. Clarke could study a bit during her shift and the hours were compatible with her classes. She liked the peaceful environment. It was perfect for her and she was glad she got the job the year prior. 

When they first moved to New York, Clarke worked at a coffee shop near the apartment. She liked it a lot, but, when they discovered she was pregnant, they let her go. She had a hard time trying to find another job when her belly began to grow. They boys tried to guarantee her that it wasn’t a problem, but she knew that, because of her, Murphy had to work overtime to pay the bills. It only made her feel worse when they convinced her to keep using her father’s heritage to pay her tuition and to create a savings account for Madi. She knew that she would never be able to repay what her three best friends did.

Her reflection is interrupted by the arrival of a curly haired man at the information desk. He has rounded glasses and freckles in his cheeks. He is gorgeous. “Hi. I was wondering if there are any more books on Augustus’s biography besides the ones in the Ancient History section.”

“No,” she answers after examining the system in the computer in front of her.

“Are you sure? Can you check the system again?,” he questions agitated.

“Are you doubting my ability to enter simple information into a searcher?,” she teases.

“No. I am just desperate.”

Clarke stares at the man. He seems a couple years older than her and just as tired as she felt. The glasses hide the dark circles under his eyes, but his restless behaviour and furrowed eyebrows exposes the level of his exhaustion. She recognizes his situation. After all, she has been through it numerous times in the four years as an undergrad. He clearly is late for his deadline. 

“Aren’t we all?,” the disappointment in his dark brown eyes is genuine and she cannot resist the urge to help him. “Okay, I will let you in the backroom. This system is new and there are some books that we have not been able to catalogue yet. You can go through it and try to find what you want.”

“Really?,” his cheerful smile warms her. Happiness is a good look on him. 

“Yeah. Don’t make me regret it.”

*

As soon as Bellamy goes through the door that the blonde ‒ Clarke according to her name tag ‒ pointed, he is surprised by the amount of books and, particularly, by the little girl sitting amidst them. 

“Hey, are you lost?,” the doe eyed girl gazes at him with a shining smile and questioning eyebrows. The image of Octavia surfaces to his mind as a _déjà-vu_ of their childhood. 

“No!,” she giggles at him. Where did this kid come from? Has he slept so little in the last few nights to point in which he hallucinates with a child that resembles his sister? It can’t be it. 

“Why are you here?”

“I can’t talk to strangers,” she answers nonchalantly without looking at him.

“Okay, little girl,” he decides to ignore his curiosity about the reason behind the presence of a child in the backroom of a college library. He has things to do and he can’t take so long, because Clarke could change her mind about letting him search what he wanted anytime.

She probably assumed he was a desperate student and took pity on him. He is desperate, but he isn’t a student. Definitely, not at freaking Columbia. As if he had money for something like that, he scowls. Bellamy is a middle school history teacher. A thoughtful one who cares deeply about his students and does everything to give them the maximum information he could gather. Because of his dedication, here he is. Searching for a book on Augustus to answer a complicated question of one of his students. He was baffled for not being able to find it at one of his many books on the subject. Therefore, he did what any sane person would do: pretend to be an Ivy League student.

When his mother died, he deemed that he would never be able to teach. He forgo college to provide for Octavia. She was only thirteen years old. He gave up so much for her, but she did not allow him to renounce his biggest dream. Yet, he put his sister first always. Only when he was certain that she would be capable of accomplishing her goals, he enrolled himself back into college. By the time he graduated, O was in New York studying to become a police detective. He knew he had no choice other than following her. This was how he ended up teaching at Shadow Valley Middle School. His initial plan was to teach high schoolers, but he fell in love with his job and didn’t have the heart to change it.

Half an hour had passed and Bellamy still hadn’t found the book yet. The girl was playing with her doll and whispering things to it. He was almost losing hope until he spotted a box at the top of a shelf with “HISTORY” written in it. It is his last hope.

He grabs it with not much difficulty, but, as soon as he does, he is startled by the girl asking him what he was doing and poking his back. He drops the box, causing a loud sound that he is sure that can be heard from outside the room. The books are scattered on the floor and he is paralyzed. His suspicions about the reverberating sound are confirmed by Clarke entering the space with a mixture of anger and confusion printed in her face.

“What happened here?,” she barks, glaring at him and the mess by his feet.

“He dropped the box, mommy,” the girl explains simply.

Bellamy was already stunned by the sound and, when he heard the girl calling Clarke “mommy”, he evolved into astonished. The enraged woman is clearly in her early twenties and the little girl seems to be four years old. The librarian assistant is too young to be a mother. He definitely did not expect this when he saw her at the information desk. She looked like one of those girls whose family paid her tuition and gifted her with expensive gifts. She was breathtaking. Pretty much like a fairytale princess. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin, rosy cheeks. A pretty princess who is furious at him.

“Are you kidding me? I told you to not make me regret it,” she scolds him with fiery eyes. “Guess what? You did make me regret helping you!”

“I’m sorry. It is not my fault that your daughter startled me,” he tries to explain himself, but he identifies his mistake in her eyes before it is clear in her voice.

“So, it’s my daughter’s fault,” she laughs bitterly. “Get out!”

Before he can decide if he is going to follow her order or to say something else, the head library comes in, watching the room and taking in what happened.

“What is going on here?,” Mrs. Sydney inquires sternly and all the anger vanishes from Clarke’s face.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Sydney. I know I promised you that‒,” Diana interrupts.

“I don’t want to hear any of it. I gave you a chance and you did not take it seriously. You said that Madi would be quiet.”

“I know, but ‒,” she is desperate and Bellamy can’t ignore it.

“It is my fault. I made the noise,” he cuts her off and takes the blame.

“What do you mean? Who are you and why are you here?,” the expression on Clarke’s face reveals that he did the wrong thing once again. He can’t decide if the hatred or the desolation is the prominent feeling radiating from her.

“I let him here to search for a book unsupervised. I know it is against the rules. I am sorry, Mrs. Sydney.”

“We will have a serious conversation at the end of your shift, Clarke.”

She parts and, with her, she takes the air of the room. The blonde is fidgeting with her fingers and Madi is staring confused and sad at the two adults. Bellamy takes the first step towards the woman to comfort her and to apologize once more, but she flinches. She is hurt and he only can blame himself for this. She had given him a chance and he ruined it.

“Leave me alone,” she whispers severally. There is nothing he can say to convince her that he is truly sorry. She is livid. He could apologize endlessly and she probably would not forgive him. So, he leaves.

Later at night, Bellamy rolls in bed thinking of how her eyes were a somber shade of grey when she told him to go away. He wonders if he should go back to the library to find her and apologize correctly, but he decides to follow her order. He can’t make it up to her. The least he could do is to leave the princess alone.


	2. chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you so much for the kudos and the comment on the last chapter :)

**September 1st, 2020**

In their household, mornings were always hectic on workdays.

Nathan was an early riser due to his everyday morning runs before work and Wells appreciated the extra time before breakfast to read the newspaper ‒ made of actual paper, because, in Murphy’s words, “Wells Jaha was an old man who couldn’t let go of his habits”. Murphy, on the other hand, religiously slept too much. Everyone thought that it would change when the restaurant opened, but, just as Wells, John Murphy was a creature of habits. Earning a bigger responsibility wouldn’t change that. This arrangement resulted in the three of them always trying to use the bathroom they shared at the same time, even though they lived together for more than a decade. The fight was endless. Clarke had lost hope years ago. 

After they resolved the bathroom dispute ‒ Miller was normally the one who gained the right to shower first ‒, Murphy would make coffee for all the adults and set the table, while Clarke would make Madi’s lunchbox. Wells always made sure to check if the homework was on her daughter’s backpack. Despite the daily turmoil, they would end up fed and ready for the day and Clarke, Wells and Miller would take turns to take Madi to school while Murphy would go downstairs to start the day at Polis.

However, today is the second day of school, which means that the morning was four times more tumultuous.

In Clarke's experienced opinion, the second day of coming back to school was the worst. As the mother of preteen Madi, she had many arguments to support her thesis. First days were unpredictable and chaotic, but second days were the ones in which it was decided if the year would be a good or a bad one. At least, this is what Madi exclaimed when she rushed her daughter to get ready soon. The looks were important, apparently. Clarke had a vague memory of the time she was distressed about her appearance in middle school. She was almost thirty, but, whenever Madi fretted over things she hadn’t thought about in two decades, she felt a million years older. 

For starters, Madi did not have a pair of clean socks and she refused to wear mismatched socks to school, because “they are so last year, Mom!”. Therefore, Clarke had to find a pair of one of her socks that would fit her daughter’s feet. Then, there was the problem with her lunch. She could not take an apple, because “it is hard to talk to people while eating an apple”. Finally, she wanted Clarke to make her a beautiful but extremely laborious braid, because she had to be pretty and neat to make everlasting friends. By the time Clarke is waving her daughter at the front of Shadow Valley Middle School, she is already exhausted. It is only ten to eight and she has a long day at Arkadia Justice. 

During law school, she met Charmaine Diyoza, a billionaire lawyer and partner owner of Eligius Lawyers Association. After her graduation, Diyoza decided to hire and mentor her in her new law firm as she saw great potential when Clarke interned for two years at ELA. Arkadia was a pro-bono office focused on protecting people at risk, such as minorities and special victims.

It was Clarke’s dream job.

To deal with special victims cases had an interesting perk: she regularly met Miller and his detective partner when she needed to contact SVU, which is the case of that morning. After a tough conversation with her new client, a forty-two years old woman who was physically abused by her husband, she headed over to the precinct to gather some extra information about the case. 

“Hey, Miller. Detective Blake. I was wondering if I could go to Kelsey's apartment. I know there was a group taking evidence this morning, but I wanted to check something,” she starts talking as soon as she spots her friend and his partner.

“Clarke, you won’t be able to go today. The team hasn’t finished yet,” Nathan answers, knowing she would be upset.

“That is a bummer, but okay,” she frowns and then smiles at her idea. “As I am already here, do you want to go have lunch? You can come too, Detective Blake.”

“I will only go if you call me Octavia.”

“Alright, Octavia. Let’s go?,” she beams at the woman, gesturing her head to the door she entered minutes ago. Octavia Blake is Miller’s closest friend at the station. They had been partnered when she first arrived at SVU and they easily became friends. She knew all about their little family and had met them several times

Clarke liked her, even though their conversations were fairly superficial.

“Are you even going to wait for my answer?,” Miller questions them and, due to the lack of reply, he only accompanies the woman who already were on the way to the door.

*

Before she collapses in her bed at night, Clarke goes to Madi’s room to check on her. She was reticent during dinner and didn’t want to talk about her day at school. The mother was worried that the second day had been “the worst”. Even before she opens the door, she hears the sobs coming from inside of it. Her heart breaks in a million pieces at the sound.

She enters the room quietly and sits in the bed next to her daughter. She strokes the brown hair tenderly and waits until the tears stop shedding on her checks to speak. “Baby, tell me what happened, please.”

The request is met with silence for some minutes. She is about to ask again when she notices Madi opening her mouth hesitantly. “I don’t have friends, Mom.” The crying resumes and Clarke’s insides tightens. Seeing her girl sad is the worst part of being a mother. The part she fears the most.

“It is only the second day of school. You have a whole year to make friends. I am one hundred percent sure that anyone would love to be your friend, Madi.” The attempt to comfort her only results in more tearing up. Clarke doesn't know what she should do. 

“Mom, you don’t understand!,” Madi whimpers. “I had friends yesterday, but I don’t have no one now. Everyone hates me and they will always hate me.”

“Baby, that is not true. You have me. And Murphy. And Wells. And Miller. You have a family that loves you unconditionally. And soon you will have friends that will love you just as much.”

“I don’t think I will,” she mumbles.

“Of course you will. Today was not your last chance to befriend someone. You know, I did not become friends with Murphy and Miller on the second day of school, but they are still my best friends.”

“Yeah, I know… But I wished I had at least one friend to begin with just like you had Wells.”

“I know, baby. But you will soon have a nice friend, okay?” The promise didn’t sound convincing, but the crying ceases after a couple more minutes and then nods, cleaning her face of tears. “Now sleep, because tomorrow is another day and another chance.”

Clarke is already closing the door of her daughter’s room when she hears the three words in a whisper. “Love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Madi.”

When Clarke finally is able to close her eyes on her bed that night, she prays to whoever God above to keep her girl safe and sound. She is aware that she can’t protect Madi from every hurtful thing that the world offered her. She can’t place her on a magic bubble of glee and serenity. Madi would have to experience all, the good and the bad. But this doesn’t stop Clarke from wishing on all the stars for her daughter’s happiness.

**September 4th, 2020**

Nine years as a history teacher at Shadow Valley Middle School could not prepare him for moments like this. Nowadays, Bellamy doesn’t hate many things. He overcame his rebellious phase a long time ago. But bullying is it for him. It reminds him of all the times Octavia was mistreated by older students. But his sister was not easily defeated. She learned to defend herself and then moved on to defend the younger kids from bullies. He can vividly remember all times he worried himself when she got into trouble. She has always been a protector.

However, this was not the case of the majority of children and teenagers who suffered at the hands of their colleagues. 

When the eleven year old girl with big blue eyes introduced herself in his first class the day prior, she seemed shy and sweet. He didn’t peg Madi as a bully. He was proven wrong when she kicked another student at the end of his class today. He separated the two, took her to the principal’s office and sent the boy to the infirmary.

He glances at Madi and the image of Octavia is summoned into his mind. The dark hair and the defensive attitude awakes memories of their childhood. But she is nothing like her sister. Her sister would never hurt another person unprovoked. Yet, there is a heartache in the girl’s face that makes him doubt that the act was without reason.

When Harper, the kind school secretary and one of his best friends at the school, calls the girl’s name, he accompanies her inside. Even though her parents were communicated by the school, no one had arrived to go in with her yet. As they enter, Principal Kane gestures for them to sit down on the chairs in front of him.

“Good morning, Madi and Mr. Blake,” he offers a smile to both of them and then directs his voice to the girl calmly. “I heard that you kicked Ethan at the end of Mr. Blake’s class today. We do not tolerate violence and bullying in this school.”

“I wasn’t bullying him!,” the girl defends herself with a wavering voice. When Marcus Kane opens his mouth to continue, a concerned black man with a button up shirt walks in the room, searching for Madi with his eyes. He visibly calms himself when he locates her and she stares at him relieved. The man didn’t seem to be her father, but the paternal care and love was evident in his behaviour.

“Hello, mister…,” Kane waits for the man to introduce himself.

“Good morning. My name is Wells Jaha. I was called because of Madi,” he responds, moving his gaze to the girl. “What happened?”

“She hurt another student.” Bellamy watches the confusion and surprise in the man’s face in response to Marcus’s words. “How are you related to Madi?”

“He is my honorary dad!,” Madi interrupts the conversation, causing a silent giggle from Wells.

“I am a family friend.” The teacher knows exactly what that meant. Wells Jaha is the girl’s mother’s boyfriend. The girl seems to like him, which is a positive thing. He had a fair share of stories of mom’s bad boyfriends. 

“Well, Mr. Jaha, I am afraid I can’t discuss Madi’s situation with someone who is not her guardian.”

“Well, Mr. Kane, if you look on your computer, you will discover that her mother placed me as one of the people responsible for Madi if she cannot be present, which is the case. So, if possible, can we talk about what happened, please?,” he barks. 

After checking the information, the principal resumes, directing his words to Wells. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jaha. Madi kicked another student after Mr. Blake’s class. I was telling her that bullying and violence are not tolerated in this school, but she claimed that she did not bully Ethan.”

“Which it is true!,” she faces Wells, sounding more confident with her ‘honorary dad’ by her side. “Ethan has been saying mean things to me for the last three days. I was just making him stop.” 

“I need to know what he was saying to you. But, either way, Madi, violence is never the answer to our problems,” Kane questions amicably and her face falters with his request, looking nervously at Jaha.

“H‒ He told everyone that I don’t have a father,” Bellamy’s heart clenches, remembering his sister once again. When he examines Wells’s face, he realises he is not the only one heartbroken with the girl’s statement. “I had befriended him on the first day of school and told him in secret that I don’t have a father. He swore he wouldn’t tell anyone, but he told everyone! And he also said that my mother probably didn’t love me if I made my father leave.”

Madi’s eyes are full of tears by the time she finishes. Wells rapidly embraces her in his arms and comforts her with a soothing hand on her back. Her sobs are the only sound in the room for a couple of minutes. When Kane resumes his talk, he has an understanding tone and calming eyes, which captures the girl’s attention. “Madi, what Ethan did was despicable. I am really sorry you had to deal with it. I will let this fighting incident slide for you and have a meeting with him and his parents. I will not let him intimidate you any longer. I was being serious when I said that I don’t tolerate it. I promise you this, but you have to promise me that you will talk to an adult if this happens again. It doesn’t need to be me. It can be Mr. Blake, your mother, your ‘honorary dad’, anyone. But you have to speak up, alright?”

“Okay, sir,” she responds self-consciously.

“Baby, can you leave for a minute? I want to talk a little with your principal,” Wells asks, staring at Madi to search for signs of her spirits lifting up when she nods. He probably found none, because he continues, looking at Bellamy now. “Could you keep an eye on her for a second?”

“Of course, Mr. Jaha. Let’s go, Madi. Harper has these cookies that I am sure you will love,” he attempts to soothe her with a warm smile.

The minutes in which they are at the waiting room pass slowly. The girl is muted. She accepted Harper’s chocolate cookie, but only took a couple bites and left it forgotten on her lap. Bellamy tries to find something to say, but he doesn’t actually know her well yet. She has been his student for only one day. So, he settles on what he knows: history and mythology.

“This ancient greek writer named Homer wrote one of my favorite books, The Iliad. There is a phrase of his that I take to my heart. 

“That is good,” he returns the smile. The following silence is comfortable. When Wells Jaha leaves the office with Principal Kane, she is lighter and it brings peace to his heart.

“Baby, let’s go home.”

“Okay,” she collects her backpack from the ground and, for Bellamy’s surprise, turns to him. “Thank you, Mr. Blake.” She runs to meet Wells and he watches them part. The man was somehow familiar. Bellamy feels like he knows him, but he can’t pinpoint from where.

*

When Wells arrives with Madi at Polis, she lets go of his hand and runs to the kitchen to find Murphy. After years saving money, the two of them purchased the small shop above their apartment from Indra after her retirement. Four years after the opening, Polis, 

is thriving and they have paid off all the debts from the early years of the business. Wells applies the skills of his business major at managing the place, while Murphy uses his experience from working at restaurants from when they first moved to the city to be the chef. 

“Murphy!,” Madi exclaims cheerfully when she sees him. Wells didn’t know what her teacher had said to her, but he was thankful. His conversation with the principal appeased some of his worries, but he still needed to tell what happened to the others. He is certain that they will be concerned and angry as soon as they find out and, because of that, he decides to do it later with everyone home.

“Mads, how was school today?,” Murphy grins. His smiles aren’t a rare sight nowadays, compared to his childhood and teenage years, and Madi is their primary source. But the question didn’t culminate on a matching grin. He knew something had happened at school that day because of the phone call and the girl’s puffy eyes confirmed it. Sensing her discomfort, he changes the subject of the conversation to distract her from what was upsetting her. “You have no idea what I am made for dessert.”

“What?,” she beams, reminding him again that he had indeed won life’s golden ticket. He never thought he would have such amazing people in his life. His family is everything to him and Madi is the apple of his eyes. 

“I will give you one clue: it’s your favorite,” he smirks and she sighs. 

“But all your desserts are my favorite.”

“Then you will have to wait and see,” she huffs and sticks out her tongue at him. He considers it a win since she wasn’t as morose as she was when he mentioned the school day.

After dinner that night, Clarke sent Madi to her room. She had been anxious to know what happened with her daughter since Wells texted her saying he was picking up the girl earlier at school. He didn’t explain it when she arrived home after a whole day on court, claiming that it was best to discuss it after they had eaten. Now, she is sitting in the living room with the three men, feeling like the worst mother in the whole world.

Madi was being bullied at school. Her little daughter was suffering and she didn't see it. She didn’t give the importance necessary to their talk days prior and, now, her daughter had kicked a boy at school because of it. Because she failed at reading the signs. Because she wasn’t as good a mom as she thought she was. 

“Clarke, stop,” Murphy breaks the silence, reading her mind as he always did. “There was no way we could predict it.”

“Of course, there was. She said to me that she doesn’t have friends yet.”

“I didn’t have friends till I met you, but I wasn’t being bullied. Not having friends at the fucking first week of school is not a sign of being bullied and you know it,” he argues. Clarke knows she isn’t being logical, but the idea of her kid hurting didn’t allow her to think straight. 

“But she was sad and I did nothing to prevent her pain from continuing,” she exasperates on the verge of tears.

“You did! You talked to her. You comforted her. For fucks sake, Clarke, you did what you could do with the information you had. You are not a failure!”

“I am! You know I am,” she shouts back with a shaking voice. 

“Stop,” Wells tries to calm their nerves. “Clarke, I know you are worried, but fighting Murphy isn’t going to change what happened.”

“What happened is that I am a failure. I failed Madi,” she retorts.

“Self deprecation is not the answer,” her oldest friend tries to console her. “Madi definitely doesn’t agree with you. You are her whole world. She loves you so much.”

“I didn’t give her enough. I still don’t give her enough. I didn’t give her a father and now she is hurt.”

“It is not your fault that Finn left. Nor Madi’s,” Miller speaks for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. “He left because he is an irresponsible jerk. He took advantage of a girl younger than him and then left when he decided that it was too much for him to handle.”

“I should have tried more. I should have tried to contact him. Madi deserves a father.”

“No, Clarke. She deserves a dad. She doesn’t need the guy who gave her half of her genes. She doesn’t need Finn.”

“Still, I didn’t give her what she deserves.”

“Are you sure?,” Wells questions. “You know how she introduced me to her teacher and principal? As her ‘honorary dad’. She may not be my daughter biologically, but I love her as if she was. And so does Murphy and Miller.”

“But what if she resents me in the future?,” she breaks down, searching for answers on their faces. 

“We don’t control the future, Clarke. What we can do is love her and help her,” Murphy reminds her with matching glistening eyes. “For the majority of my life I didn’t have my parents. I know what it is like and you do too. Madi is loved. She has a family. Honestly, it is all that matters.”

“We will get through this as we did with everything else: together,” Wells concludes.

“Together,” the other two men resonate. They get up from their seats on the couch and pull her on a hug.

“I love you, guys, so much,” she smiles through the tears and hugs them back. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would definitely die of boredom. After all, who would make you laugh?,” Murphy repplies with a cheeky smirk. Clarke reminds herself that, with her best friends’ help, they will get through it and Madi will be fine.

*

“...and she is sassy. You would definitely love her.”

Bellamy’s normal Friday night would be spent at the Delinquents’ Bar with his friends from Shadow Valley Middle School, Octavia and her live-in boyfriend, Lincoln. But today is Monty and Harper’s marriage anniversary and the group decided to reschedule the weekly meeting at the bar to Saturday. Because of it, he was on an almost two hours call with Octavia. She has been updating him on her life for the majority of it and, at some point, he involuntarily stopped listening due to his tiredness. However, her last words regained his attention.

“Who are you talking about?”

“Are you seriously not paying attention to your beloved little sister?,” she mocks him.

“Sorry, O. I had a long day at school.”

“Alright,” he can almost picture her rolling eyes and her smirk through the phone. “I am talking about Nate’s friend. The one who you would fall head over heels for if you meet her.” 

_Oh_ , he knows who she was talking about. Octavia picked this subject up many times since she met her partner’s friends at a precinct’s end of the year party. She had ranted about him not being at the gathering and missing the chance to meet the group as soon as she got home that day. In his defense, he went to the party a couple of times after that year, but the woman never coincided to be on one of those times. 

“Octavia, do not even think about setting up to blind date.”

He hears his sister’s laughter through the speaker. “As if it would work. You are the most difficult person in terms of dating.”

“I am not,” Bellamy disagrees with her, even though he knows it won’t be worth it. He doesn’t stand a chance against her. His sister always wins their arguments. 

“Bellamy Blake, when was the last time you dated someone?” 

“It doesn’t matter, O. I like how things are right now,” he lies. Bellamy realizes in the moment he said it that Octavia can tell that it is a straight up lie. He yearns for what Octavia has with Lincoln. What Monty has with Harper. What Jasper has with Maya. He yearns to love and be loved. And he can’t deny it. Not to his sister, at least. She knows him better than anyone else. 

“Bell, you need to go out there. I won’t force you or set you up, but you should. You deserve it.”

The worry was clear in her tone and Bellamy cannot deal with it. He is the one who should take care of her and not the one who troubled his sister. “Goodnight, O.”

“Goodnight, big brother.”

Bellamy gets up from his couch and goes to the kitchen. While drinking a cup of water and ruminating the conversation with his sister, he catches sight of the forgotten book he planned to read that night on the couch. After picking it up, he heads to his bedroom to read before he sleeps. 

His plans are not fulfilled. Instead of immersing himself on the story, he contemplates what Octavia said whilst pretending to read. He had scanned the same phrase four times and still wasn’t able to comprehend it. He discards the book aside. It is useless to keep playing the part. There is no one watching him. 

Maybe this is the problem. After looking after Octavia for years, he had no one to watch him now. His sister was his responsibility, his number one concern. But she grew up. She learned to take care of herself. She doesn’t depend on him anymore. She has her life and she is happy. It is everything he ever wished for. 

However, he always wondered if he’ll be taken care of too. He was alone for so long. He put his whole life on hold for her. He distanced himself from the few friends he had. He raised her on his own. Even before Aurora’s death, he was already the responsible one. Octavia often expressed that she felt guilty and was afraid that he blamed her. But Bellamy could never resent her for any of it. He chose this. He chose the solitude and it was worth it.

Either way, it got better with time. He found good friends in New York. He loves his job. He is filled with pride for what his sister grew to be. But he is still lonely. At some point, he got used to the loneliness.

During his first years in the city, he went out a lot. He had numerous rendezvous. He dated a fellow teacher and his now friend, Gina Martin, for a couple of weeks. But a warm body next to him at night didn’t cure the absence. He wanted more than a one night stand. He craves for the partner in crime he never found. Maybe he was searching in the wrong places. He wasn’t sure. Still, he gave up on love years ago. It was the easy choice and he took it.

Maybe he wasn’t fit for a happy ever after with a fairytale princess. His childhood dreams influenced by fantastical stories always included one. But naive illusions didn’t take him too far. Maybe the tragic romances of greek myths were what was left for him. 

But, recently, observing the love between the couples he was friends with made him daydream about the feeling again. His belief was reawakened. It may be a castle in the air, but Bellamy secretly holds on to it. He hopes that Octavia was right about it. That he deserves a happy ending.

He tries to proceed on his reading, but his eyes are heavy with sleep. As he is falling asleep, a pair of ocean blue eyes come to shore. Their sparkly light and reassuring aura are his last thoughts before dozing off.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!


End file.
